Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
