I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
