is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i will never coherently bang her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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