You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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