She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
