I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
