I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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