there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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