my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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