At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
