somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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