omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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