But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
