what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
