lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
