She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
