Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
