His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
