my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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