..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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