remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
