Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
