Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just had sex on a roof
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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