Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
