I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
