just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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