our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
whose ass print is on the piano?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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