I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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