I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
