just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
