You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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