Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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