I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
