They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Randomize
