Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
