HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
