maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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