They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's shark week go big or go home
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
