3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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