She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
