You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
