My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
