Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
