She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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