Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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