Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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