its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
