If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
