you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
