It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
